When a Toxic Family System Wants to Continue To Abuse You
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When dealing with a toxic family system, it's not just about setting boundaries; it’s about creating a plan of action to protect yourself. Often, the healthiest decision you can make is to leave, especially if abuse persists.
Relocating to a new place can offer you a fresh start, particularly if there is someone you trust who can offer support, or a community where you can feel safe and welcomed.
Remaining in a toxic environment can drain you emotionally, mentally, and even physically. The signs are clear when it's time to leave, such as:
- Consistent verbal or emotional abuse
- Blaming or scapegoating
- Gaslighting
- Attempts to harm you financially, emotionally, socially, mentally, or physically
For many, the idea of leaving may feel impossible or overwhelming. But there is life beyond the chaos, and creating a safety plan is the first step toward breaking free.
Sueanne’s Story: A New Beginning in Idaho
Sueanne’s life was stuck in a toxic cycle. She had endured years of emotional abuse from her family and felt trapped in her hometown. The only thing keeping her there were a few old friends and family members who, despite their toxic behavior, had always been in her life. Her children’s father had walked away years ago, leaving Sueanne to raise their kids on her own, and without his presence, the weight of the toxic family dynamic felt even heavier.
One night, while scrolling through her phone, Sueanne received a message from Heather, a friend from college. Heather had moved to Idaho a few years back and had recently opened a small retail business. She mentioned how her store was doing well but was starting to struggle with the growing workload. She asked Sueanne if she would consider moving to Idaho to help run the shop.
The message felt like a sign. Sueanne had been searching for a way out, but leaving felt impossible without a clear destination. Now, Idaho seemed like the answer she had been waiting for. After a few conversations with Heather, Sueanne made up her mind. It was time to leave the toxic environment behind.
A month later, Sueanne packed up her car, loaded her two kids into the backseat, and drove toward a new beginning. Moving to Idaho was a risk, but one that felt necessary for her family’s well-being. The quiet, mountainous landscape offered peace, a stark contrast to the turmoil she had lived in for years.
Once she arrived, Heather welcomed her with open arms, and the work at the shop gave Sueanne a new sense of purpose. She quickly became invaluable, helping Heather organize the store, manage customers, and even expand the business by setting up an online shop. More importantly, Sueanne's children began to thrive in their new environment. The supportive community and fresh surroundings gave them a sense of security they hadn’t felt in years.
For the first time in a long time, Sueanne felt free. She made new friends, joined local activities, and felt her confidence and joy returning. The financial stability of working with Heather, combined with the emotional peace she found in her new life, made Sueanne realize that leaving her old life behind had been the best decision she could have made.
Sueanne’s story is a powerful reminder that even when the odds seem stacked against you, taking that step toward freedom can open up a whole new world of possibilities.
Creating a Safety Plan: Steps to Break Free
Sueanne’s journey is not unique. Many people remain trapped in toxic environments because leaving feels impossible. But with the right plan and mindset, escaping that cycle of abuse is entirely within your reach.
Here’s how to start:
Recognize the Reality: Accept that staying in a toxic family system will only perpetuate the abuse. Acknowledge the patterns and prepare yourself mentally for change.
Plan for Financial Independence: Like Sueanne, start saving money, or reach out to local organizations that assist individuals leaving abusive environments.
Identify a Support System: Find a trusted friend, counselor, or local support group who can guide you and provide a safe space when you leave.
Research New Communities: Moving to a new location may be necessary to fully escape the influence of toxic family dynamics. Seek out areas where you can find security, support, and the opportunity to rebuild.
Believe in a Better Life: Cultivate the belief that there is a better future waiting for you outside of the violence and abuse you've experienced. Your mental and emotional well-being deserve to be protected.
Sueanne’s decision to move to Idaho wasn’t easy, but it was necessary. By creating a safety plan, she was able to leave behind the pain of her past and find a new life filled with peace, purpose, and hope. Just like her, you have the power to reclaim your future. Leaving may be difficult, but remember: choosing to step away from abuse is an act of self-preservation and love. You are worthy of a life free from harm.
Sueanne’s story is not unique. I, myself, have a very similar story. But the underlying thread is this: I had to renounce what held me back from the life I wanted to live. Some of those things were very familiar, and they felt like home. But none of them were giving me peace, love, or purpose.
Breaking free from what feels familiar, even if it's toxic, requires courage and faith. The journey to a new beginning is not just physical, but spiritual and emotional. It’s about letting go of the past and trusting in God to provide a future filled with peace, love, and purpose.
Here are some scriptures to meditate and reflect on during this journey of transformation:
2 Corinthians 6:17"Therefore, come out from them and be separate, says the Lord. Touch no unclean thing, and I will receive you."
Psalm 18:2
"The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold."
Isaiah 43:18-19
"Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland."
Proverbs 4:23
"Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it."
Matthew 10:14
"If anyone will not welcome you or listen to your words, leave that home or town and shake the dust off your feet."
Romans 12:18
"If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone."
Psalm 55:22
"Cast your cares on the Lord and He will sustain you; He will never let the righteous be shaken."
Be blessed and find peace. When we desperately hold onto the chains and ropes that keep us in bondage we hurt ourselves. Let them go and be free.
Pray for peace and freedom from the bondage and that the Lord may guide your footsteps on your exodus from this Toxic Family System.
A prayer for your Peace:
Father God/ Lord Jesus,
I thank you for all you are doing in my life as you guide my footsteps out of the shadows and into the light. I know what has been will no longer be and that what you are bringing into my life will not only give me peace but will be my rest. I put my faith in your son Jesus, that I may no longer suffer at the hands of the enemy and those who seek to destroy me. The Lord is my Shepherd, and I claim my innocence as one of his lowly sheep. You are my refuge and in you I place my faith in your grace and mercy as I walk through valleys of shadows into the promised lands you have promised to me. Lord reveal your ways to me, make known your intentions for my life and make me an example of your glorious Kingdom.
In Luke 10:19 You authorized the authority given to me to trample serpents and snakes and to overcome all the power of the enemy; that nothing will harm me. I renounce all ties to the darkness, every chain that has bound me, every lie spoken over me, and every attack of the enemy. I break agreement with the fear, shame, and pain of my past. By the authority given to me through Jesus Christ, I declare that I am free, redeemed, and made whole. I receive your love, your peace, and your joy, trusting that your plans for me are good, plans to prosper me and not to harm me, to give me a future and a hope (Jeremiah 29:11).
Lord, strengthen my heart and renew my spirit daily, so that I may walk in alignment with your will. Surround me with your angels of protection, and let your Holy Spirit guide me in every decision I make. Open doors that no man can close, and close those that are not from you. May I walk boldly in the purpose you've set before me, being a light to those around me, a testament to your grace, and an ambassador of your Kingdom.
I declare, in the name of Jesus, that no weapon formed against me shall prosper (Isaiah 54:17) and every tongue that rises against me in judgment, I shall condemn. I know that vengeance belongs to you, Lord, for it is written: "Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: ‘It is mine to avenge; I will repay,’ says the Lord" (Romans 12:19). I release every wrong, every hurt, and every attack into Your hands, trusting that You will deal with it in Your perfect justice and timing.
Thank you, Father, for your unwavering love and for leading me into the fullness of the life you've promised.
In Jesus' name, I pray. Amen.
In closing, blessed readers and believers, know this. As a walking testimony of what God is willing to do for someone who places their faith in Him, I can attest that He is a faithful God. When we put our faith in Him, He is there with us the whole way. Do not shy away from God in your time of need but turn to him so that he may deliver you from whatever is trying to deceive you. Struggle is not your portion, but rest is. That is why Jesus is the Lord of the Sabbath, we receive rest when our faith is placed in Him. Bless you all.
With gratitude and hope,
Emily Jessen
Founder of Therapy Fund Art LLC
www.therapyfundart.com